Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Occupy Stormwind!

Yes, that's right, the "Occupy" movement has reached the fortress city of Stormwind!  I'm here in Stormwind as my level 75 human hunter reporting from the mob at Stormwind's entry gates.  I'm now talking to Ella Anderson of Gilneas, one of the founding members of the Occupy Stormwind Movement (OSM).  So Ella, what are you and your group protesting?

Ella:  The fact that the Alliance has been leading our good men and women into many battles costing us untold numbers of lives and taking a severe drain on the economy!  Our military forces are in the Outlands, at Northrend, in the various battlegrounds across Azeroth, and now we're sending our soldiers to fight in the Firelands!  When does it end?  Why can't we make peace with the Horde and all work together?

Me:  The leader of the Horde, Garrosh Hellscream is not exactly a peaceable man - in fact, he hates the Alliance equally as much as King Varian Wrynn of Stormwind hates the Horde.  How could peace be made between two equally hot-tempered leaders?

Ella: That I can't say, except to ask: Are they even trying?  It's like all the citizens of Azeroth are pawns in their little game of enormous egos!  But we are pawns only so long as we allow ourselves to be pawns!  We now want more control over what happens to our lives!  (turns to the crowd behind her):  Free Azeroth!  Free the people!  The citizens of the world demand to be heard! (roar of approval).

Me:  But what about the recent actions of the dragon Deathwing, and of the mysterious Twilight Cult?  How can King Wrynn deal with these problems while trying to satisfy the demands of OSM?

Ella:  That's just it!  The answer's always the same!  Throw our lives away so as to protect the pocketbooks of the Alliance's robber barons!  Who needs the Horde's greedy goblin cartels when we got our own greedy owners of the war industries?  Do you know how many orphans our constant wars create?  Do you know how much less life and coin we would be using up if we could at least work with the Horde?

Me:  So the answer is...

Ella: The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind - the answer my friend is in the winds of change!  And that change is that the people won't stand for being used and abused by its leaders any longer!  No more "For the Alliance" or "For the Horde"!  It's now "For the people of Azeroth!"

Me:  So what are you going to do if an invading Horde force comes down the road here?

(Voice from the crowd):  You know, we should totally connect with members of the Horde so that they can start an Occupy Orgrimmar movement!

(Another voice):  Yeah!  I bet they're even more pissed at Garrosh than we are at the king!

(Yet another voice):  Ella, you should totally get with Jaina Proudmoore about this!  She knows Thrall, and I bet she can convince Thrall to join our cause!

Me: Wait, so Jaina is part of this?

Ella:  Not officially, of course, but she keeps up with our cause. 

Me: Anything else you want to mention before I log off?

Ella:  Yeah!  We also want to protest the utter unoriginality of all the "mom" jokes in Trade Chat!  Dudes, can't you come up with better insults than to constantly be ragging on the moms?  And rape isn't funny, no matter what context you try to put it in!  Don't refer being wiped in a battleground as being raped - just say that you got your asses kicked!  And last, no more [Anal] jokes in Trade!  Damn, that's so juvenile!

Me:  Well, good luck with that.  Trade Chat is pretty much a subculture.  I'll report more on this story as it develops.  Now to log off and go back to reality - by logging on to Facebook!  See you there!

This has been Andromeda the level 75 hunter reporting from the gates of Stormwind!

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