I've written on this blog and posted on Facebook long enough that I think most of you will have a pretty good feel for my style of writing. You all know that when it comes to the issues that I feel strongly about, I'll try to utilize all the passion, wit, wisdom, intellect, and powers of observation that my heart and soul can muster.
Liberals, you know how I've taken on your sacred cow issues and attacked them like you do Republican presidential candidates. However, what if I were to take all my passion, wit, wisdom, intellect, and powers of observation to use *in favor* of one of your sacred causes? Imagine me tearing into this issue with all the fervor that you see me take on your other hallowed delusions! Wouldn't that be awesome - to have me fighting for your cause with the full brunt of my intellect going all out like a pit bull on a steak?
Okay then! Time for me to make a little deal with you on the issue of: the personhood of corporations! You know you hate that and how it benefits the wealthy and privileged in our society. Now, I can make arguments against the personhood of the corporations and be very good at it - so good that you WILL link my blog posts to your own blogs and Share and Like them on Facebook. You know that I'm very capable of this!
And I promise that I'll do this on one condition: To gain my support on your cause against the personhood of the corporation, you must support my cause FOR the personhood of the unborn. Think about that for a minute before you reject it out of hand. If you favor the personhood of the unborn, you will greatly strengthen your own argument against the personhood of the corporation. If you'll allow yourselves to truly ponder this with the open mind that you say that you have, you know that I'm right.
The unborn are living persons that you will eventually see, hear, touch, and love. Corporations can never be that kind of person. The personhood of the corporation is legislative mythology, while the personhood of the unborn is grounded in fact - despite the denial of its personhood also being brought about by legislative mythology. Funny how that worked out for you guys, isn't it? In the process of manufacturing the argument against the personhood of the unborn, you inadvertently created the means of establishing the personhood of entities that exist only on the boards of the stock exchanges on Wall Street. What a bit of irony to bite you in the ass, eh?
As you can see, I've already started, and I can go much, much further in crafting arguments in favor of your cause - if you will only support me in mine. How will I know that you've accepted my deal? When I see you guys doing Occupy Planned Parenthood! Otherwise, I won't believe your "conversion" to my side. But you've seen the skill of what I'm capable of doing when I got my heart set on something, so I'm hoping that your desire to see the end of the "personhood of the corporation" will be such that you'll consider my offer. In the process, you'll see that I'm absolutely right about your arguments against the personhood of the corporation being strongly bolstered by your acknowledgment of the personhood of the unborn. And as an added bonus, you'll get to see me kickin' ass for your cause! :-)
It will be only after such a revelation that you will see that by agreeing with my deal, you won't be "making a deal with the devil", but instead "siding with the angels". To be honest, knowing liberals like I do, I don't expect any "takers". But who knows - you may surprise me. And I hope you do! :-)