Thursday, August 14, 2008

Q&A: How do I get someone to like me?

Time for another Q & A session from questions that I’ve received in person and by e-mail. This time around, I’m answering a relationship question. Apparently, being a superhero qualifies me to answer such questions. ;-)

Question: How do I get this girl to like me?

Answer: If you really thought about it, “making someone like you” is actually a contradiction. Thing is, you can’t “get” anyone to like you. There’s no magic or pheromone or other shortcut that can substitute for someone liking you and even loving you out of their own free will. And there’s nothing better, nothing more genuine, either. True love is given out of free will and free choice. The best thing to do is to work on you. First, take care of basic things like hygiene and appearance. In other words, be clean and dress nice. Would you like to be around a stinky slob? You would think that this is a given, but I’ve seen too many stinky slobs in my day.

Next, work on your personality. Before I continue, let me make something clear here: I am NOT saying for you to be something that you’re not. That’s the worst thing you can do. Rather, work on your attitude and outlook on life. If you’re a downer, you’re not a pleasant person to be around. We have enough unpleasant people in the world. To help improve your outlook on life, work on doing something you like doing.

This part is going to take some work to figure out, because each person is different, but basically, find out what it is that you like doing, and get better at it. If you’re an artist, work on your art to be as best that you can be. If you like sports, learn how the game is played so that you can be good at playing it or talking about it. Learning such skills helps you to develop and grow as a person, because you learn such things as patience and discipline to be better at what it is that you like to do. And, most importantly, you might find someone with the same interest. Talking with someone with the same interest helps to give each of you something to talk about.

Of course, there’s much more that I can say here, but doing the above should help put you on your way. And if I can add one other thing: Dudes, to impress the ladies, learn how to dance. I don’t mean learn every kind of dance there is, but at get-togethers in which there is music playing, dancing is a good way to meet the ladies. You usually see ladies dancing together because there aren’t enough men to ask. You can help solve that problem, as well as make yourself known to the ladies, by learning how to dance.

If you don’t know how to dance, ask a female family member or female friend or acquaintance. Or see if your local community college offers classes on dancing. Anyway, if you can do all three of these things, then you won’t have to worry so much about “making someone like you”, because you will already be likeable. So that’s the final lesson to take away from this: To “get” someone to like you, you have to BE likable.

In regards to the ladies being likable to the men, there are a few pointers I can bring up as well. First, just like men can be jerks, so can women. Yes, there are female jerks. One way is to be late for a date. If the date is at 7, be ready at 6:30. There’s very little more inconsiderate than making your date wait half an hour or more. Also, understand this: men aren’t women, and they don’t think like women. Most men don’t analyze every thought, every mood, every emotion, and every statement like many women do. If he says something like “You look great”, don’t take it as him hiding something or holding back on his true feelings – most likely, he really means it. Accept it as a compliment that it likely is and enjoy it.

Also, you’re going to be nervous, but so is he. And unlike women, he doesn’t talk to his buddies about his feelings or fears, so he’s not going to be as adept at discussing his feelings like you are. Men live in a different culture than we do, and they have their own language and customs. In other words, don’t interpret what they say and do under a female lens, because what men say and do are for different reasons and motivations. If you learn that one lesson about men, you’ll go a long way in being able to talk to them.

One way to learn about how men think is to learn to enjoy sports. Just like learning to dance helps men with the ladies, women learning to like sports helps women with the gents. You could try to enjoy the “holy trinity” of football, baseball, and basketball, but if you had to pick just one, then football is your best bet. Talk to male family members or male friends and acquaintances to learn about football or other sports.

Nearly every male in the world likes some sport, and if you can master sports lingo, then you’re more than halfway there to understanding how men think and talk. And if you need incentive to watch sports, some of the players are darn good looking – but don’t bring that up with your male buddies, because they don’t see the players in that way. Oh, if men were this emotionally invested in their women like they are for their sports team...! Well, I think there'd be fewer problems between men and women! ;-)

Okay, I think that pretty much covers everyone. I hope this helps you all. Feel free to add other pointers.


Freelancer said...

Hi BSC. I'm doing job related stuff and stopped by your blog quickly. I quickly scanned your latest post. When you say "learn to dance" how can that scare the ladies? Alright, we will use myself as an example. I love House music (Deep House) and when the music is really pumping - I KNOW how to get down. What you saying that my unique dancing style will not "cut" it with everyone. And also not all women are excellent dancers as well. This aspect is based on the individual's perspective. I read the post in more detail later if I have time. Oh go to this link to have a sample of my style of music that I'm into. I have many. This track is from United Kingdom's King Kooba. The track is called 'It's Love'. Mind I listen to different styles of music. I try to be objective. But Down House music is my thing.

freelancer said...

In light of this topic of getting the opposite sex to "like" you there is another subject you should touch - sensitive men. Why? Because feelings are important to women. And I believe sensitive men are close (extremely accurate) at understanding how women really are. Oh did get a listen to 'Its Love'. I love Om Records! Take care MA.

Busty Superhero Chick said...

If you know how to dance, then you're already ahead of the game when it comes to most men! PLUS, when it comes to the ladies who can't dance like you - all the better! Why? So you can teach them! If you play your cards right, you can have the ladies hanging on your arms!

As for the sensitive men, perhaps I will touch upon that topic as well at another time. I need to think on that a bit first.

The Philosopher said...

This topic is very interesting. I love getting into issues about the social working our society (North American). Anyway, my question to you Mighty Andromeda is the following: Is it possible for men to really understand women? For better or worse. In all likelihood, I have an idea for your next post - what is love?

Busty Superhero Chick said...

Philosopher, I don't think it's possible for men to ever really understand women anymore than it is possible for women to really understand men. But that's a good thing! If we lived in a society of just one gender, I think that that'd be very boring. There would be no challenge to the romance game, because we all would know how the other thinks. Plus, in a one-gender society, we would all go around thinking that there's only one way of doing things, and no one would ever challenge the order. With two genders, you already have two ways of looking at things. Men can get stuck into thinking that there's only one way of doing things, and women can also get stuck into thinking that there's only one way of doing things. At least when we talk with each other, we can try to understand why the other thinks in the way they do, and perhaps we'll see that one or the other is right. Never an easy thing, but if done right, we all benefit. I'll try to tackle love in my next Q&A session.

The Philosopher said...

Hmmmm...I never really thought of a one gender society in that context. You know what Mighty Andromeda, in your comic series your "real life" alter ego should be a Social Sciences professor for an University. Between marking papers, you take on the appearance of Andromeda. I know that you have your own idea of how your comic will take off, but I think you should keep notes of all the ideas that people like myself are throwing at you.

Busty Superhero Chick said...

Philosopher, so far in the stories that are written, I haven't established what my alter ego does. Feel free - any of you, actually - to offer ideas and suggestions. I'm always willing to listen to them.

The Philosopher said...

Since this topic is all about knowing how to touch the heart of that special someone, I want to share this poem I wrote last month. The poem is called “Back to Earth”. This poem is based on a real life event that happened to me. It was in the evening, and I was in the dinning room, eating my dinner watching the Toons. When suddenly – BANG!! A bird bounced off the kitchen window. I have an Evergreen pine tree outside. I opened the door to discover that the bird didn’t shake it off and fly away. The creature lay on the ground still breathing. I touched the bird gently and it appears that the creature broke its neck. There was nothing I could do. I was saddened by it. The following day, I buried the creatures under soil in the garden at the back of my home. Here is the poem:


Bird flying free without a care in the world,

Untouched by the hands of man,

When suddenly you are dragged back to Earth by an invisible force,

I kneel to your side, comforting you; the life slowly draining from your body,

I am saddened at your lose of freedom,

To that end, I return you to once you came,

Back to Earth to renew the cycle of life,

And begin again.


Please share your thoughts on this.

The Philosopher said...

Will do. Plus, on the side you can do Ultra Universe issues with the ideas of the bloggers of your site (i.e. Remember Spider-Man back in 90s).

The Philosopher said...

What are your thoughts of my poem Mighty Andromeda?

Busty Superhero Chick said...

Philosopher, I like the poem. It's a reminder of the frailty of our existences. We're flying free as a bird one moment, and come crashing to earth in the next. At least this bird didn't die alone; and not only that, you in a sense immortalized it.

The Philosopher said...


Cyborg Andromeda said...

So far from what I've read you are extremely powerful. You have super strength, heightened senses; you can fly fast. You have super healing. Your costume is tear resistant, so that so horny guys won’t drool after battling you. In your previous posts, you stated because of your athletic build you are probably flexible as well. And finally you perfect hand-eye coordination and reflexes allows to you evade any attack in all directions. In light on a better word you are perfect. But when developing your stories (which you are working on now) its important to add the human element as well. Sure its fun beating the crap out of bad guys and gals (yes I said GALS, 'cause it would be boring if your battles were one sided), but on the other hand you have a real life to deal with. Getting good grades in school, dealing with bullies without revealing your secret identity, and trying to show your true feeling to the one you really care about. Now I'm not saying to make the comic series super serious (please don't hurt me because I used a pun), but remember to keep it real and believable. Take care.

Freelancer said...

I have some points that can help guys win over the ladies. First, learn to be as detailed as possible. This can be accomplished by doing one simple thing - reading (actual BOOKS - since we live in the digital age). Now as the Mighty Andromeda said earlier, all men and women are different. The subjects you are interested and knowledgeable in might be preceded as boring to some women. On the other side of the coin, you will spark the interest of a woman who enjoys the same subject matter as you. This actually worked for me with several women at college who thought I was 5 years older than my actual age. Reading helps you become more mature.

Another tip that men can do to make themselves more likeable is to help women out. It can be something small as helping carry the groceries from the trunk of her car, setting up programs or devices, or preparing dinner. To your lady friend, she will see that you are responsible and can be dependable.