Time for another Q & A session from questions that I’ve received in person and by e-mail. This time around, I’m answering a relationship question. Apparently, being a superhero qualifies me to answer such questions. ;-)
Question: How do I get this girl to like me?
Answer: If you really thought about it, “making someone like you” is actually a contradiction. Thing is, you can’t “get” anyone to like you. There’s no magic or pheromone or other shortcut that can substitute for someone liking you and even loving you out of their own free will. And there’s nothing better, nothing more genuine, either. True love is given out of free will and free choice. The best thing to do is to work on you. First, take care of basic things like hygiene and appearance. In other words, be clean and dress nice. Would you like to be around a stinky slob? You would think that this is a given, but I’ve seen too many stinky slobs in my day.
Next, work on your personality. Before I continue, let me make something clear here: I am NOT saying for you to be something that you’re not. That’s the worst thing you can do. Rather, work on your attitude and outlook on life. If you’re a downer, you’re not a pleasant person to be around. We have enough unpleasant people in the world. To help improve your outlook on life, work on doing something you like doing.
This part is going to take some work to figure out, because each person is different, but basically, find out what it is that you like doing, and get better at it. If you’re an artist, work on your art to be as best that you can be. If you like sports, learn how the game is played so that you can be good at playing it or talking about it. Learning such skills helps you to develop and grow as a person, because you learn such things as patience and discipline to be better at what it is that you like to do. And, most importantly, you might find someone with the same interest. Talking with someone with the same interest helps to give each of you something to talk about.
Of course, there’s much more that I can say here, but doing the above should help put you on your way. And if I can add one other thing: Dudes, to impress the ladies, learn how to dance. I don’t mean learn every kind of dance there is, but at get-togethers in which there is music playing, dancing is a good way to meet the ladies. You usually see ladies dancing together because there aren’t enough men to ask. You can help solve that problem, as well as make yourself known to the ladies, by learning how to dance.
If you don’t know how to dance, ask a female family member or female friend or acquaintance. Or see if your local community college offers classes on dancing. Anyway, if you can do all three of these things, then you won’t have to worry so much about “making someone like you”, because you will already be likeable. So that’s the final lesson to take away from this: To “get” someone to like you, you have to BE likable.
In regards to the ladies being likable to the men, there are a few pointers I can bring up as well. First, just like men can be jerks, so can women. Yes, there are female jerks. One way is to be late for a date. If the date is at 7, be ready at 6:30. There’s very little more inconsiderate than making your date wait half an hour or more. Also, understand this: men aren’t women, and they don’t think like women. Most men don’t analyze every thought, every mood, every emotion, and every statement like many women do. If he says something like “You look great”, don’t take it as him hiding something or holding back on his true feelings – most likely, he really means it. Accept it as a compliment that it likely is and enjoy it.
Also, you’re going to be nervous, but so is he. And unlike women, he doesn’t talk to his buddies about his feelings or fears, so he’s not going to be as adept at discussing his feelings like you are. Men live in a different culture than we do, and they have their own language and customs. In other words, don’t interpret what they say and do under a female lens, because what men say and do are for different reasons and motivations. If you learn that one lesson about men, you’ll go a long way in being able to talk to them.
One way to learn about how men think is to learn to enjoy sports. Just like learning to dance helps men with the ladies, women learning to like sports helps women with the gents. You could try to enjoy the “holy trinity” of football, baseball, and basketball, but if you had to pick just one, then football is your best bet. Talk to male family members or male friends and acquaintances to learn about football or other sports.
Nearly every male in the world likes some sport, and if you can master sports lingo, then you’re more than halfway there to understanding how men think and talk. And if you need incentive to watch sports, some of the players are darn good looking – but don’t bring that up with your male buddies, because they don’t see the players in that way. Oh, if men were this emotionally invested in their women like they are for their sports team...! Well, I think there'd be fewer problems between men and women! ;-)
Okay, I think that pretty much covers everyone. I hope this helps you all. Feel free to add other pointers.